Some of you Yankees, in between your stints shooting AK-47s at innocent wildlife and claiming that kind of nationalized single-payer healthcare system you so desire is "free," may have watched the State of the Union last Tuesday. For those of you who don't know, the State of the Union is like a Throne Speech, except the person speaking actually had editorial control over the speech and must stand the entire time. Note that this is the only time an American chooses to stand.

Anyway, before and after the State of the Union, San Francisco finance billionaire, Phillips Exeter Academy alumnus, and politician-buyer Tom Steyer payed to show the advertisement embedded above. The advertisement states that the evil Commie Chinese government, a known employer of Chinese people, has made Canada a vassal state with $30 billion in investments in the Alberta oil sands. With complete control over the Canadian parliamentary system, the Chinese will be able to pump heavy crude across the Land of the Free for export to filthy foreigners, fueling their filthy un-American ways. Furthermore, the CEO of TransCanada, the owners of Keystone XL, couldn't even promise to sell the Exceptional American People one single barrel of oil! Outrageous, isn't it? How has Keystone XL survived this long?

Well, turns out that while Alberta heavy crude is unrefined, this advertisement is 100% pure bullshit extract, earning the maximum four Pinocchios on the Washington Post's fact-checker scale. The Chinese have invested $30 billion into Alberta oil sands, but this is at most 7% of all investments. Also, TransCanada can't commit to selling a single barrel of crude to Americans because the company doesn't sell oil; it sells oil transportation services.

So stay strong, Yankees; the Red Menace of Canada and China hasn't colluded to destroy you, yet.