My wife is the assistant principal at an elementary school. Yesterday on of her teacher's assistants called to say he'd be late, or maybe not in at all.

Seems his roommate borrowed his CRV the night before, and now it won't move.

"It's in drive but it won't go forward unless I press on the gas really hard, but it makes a bad noise and smell. I'm waiting for the tow truck to take me to the mechanic."

"James."

"Yes?"

"Is the parking brake on?"

"What's a parking brake?"

Idiots who should not be allowed to drive

I'll let your brain fill in the rest of that conversation.