What is this, I don't even.S

What. Gawker's "revisions" are always bad, but I can't even figure this crap out. I'd like to think that I'm a reasonably intelligent human being who's capable of solving problems, but apparently not. I've been going at it for like half an hour now, and I still have no idea what to do, how to use it, or how to read it. I know you need to follow the boss's orders, Hardibro, but if there's any way you guys can gun this nonsense down... that'd be great. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but holy crap, it's bad.