I recently put my old motorcycle up for sale on craigslist, and I've seen some genuine interest. I also got the standard bunch of scammers. I got bored last night and decided to respond to one. Here is how it went...

Craigslist Scammers

+18565301335 Add - Cedarville, NJ

12/23/13 11:34 AM 15 hours ago

+18565301335: Hello am Franck,is this AD 1982 Yamaha XV750 Virago - $950 (Tigard) still available for sale let me know 9:46 AM

Me: Yes, the bike is still available 10:32 AM

+18565301335: Are you the first owner of it why are you selling it... 10:34 AM

Me: No, I purchased it 4 years ago, bike is 32 years old so it has probably had a few owners. Selling it because I want to move on to something else. 10:51 AM

+18565301335: Sound Good I have friend living in your area who is coming to look at it..? how much is the last asking price... 10:58 AM

Me: Not sure what you mean by "last asking price" but my asking price is $950 cash. 11:06 AM

+18565301335: She will be coming when she get off work today Around 6 Where do you plan on meeting... 11:09 AM

Me: We can meet at my apartment, 7 would work better for me though. 11:25 AM

+18565301335: Alright do you have paypal account to go ahead with the payment now... 11:25 AM

Me: I'd really prefer to deal in cash 11:34 AM

+18565301335: You can cash your money through it... 8:17 PM

Me: But there is also extra fees associated with paypal. 8:19 PM

+18565301335: i will cover the paypal charges just for your own money to be complete.. all you have to do now is for you to get back to me with your paypal email ID with your full name to go ahead with the payment in the morning... 8:22 PM

+18565301335: Hello... 8:31 PM

Me: I've been using paypal for a while, it has never required a full name... 9:08 PM

+18565301335: Alright you can send me he email to go ahead.... 11:10 PM

Me: <redacted> 11:58 PM

+18565301335: I will text you once am through with the payment now... 12:04 AM

+18565301335: Hello... 12:42 AM

+18565301335: Are you there.... 12:47 AM

Me: I am here, no payment yet 12:48 AM

+18565301335: I will want to inform you that i have made the payment and it has been confirmed and deducted from my account... Kindly check your inbox and Spam folder(redacted) for the email alert and also i will be needing a little help from you about the hauler. I added an extra $500 which you are to transfer to the hauler address via WU for the pickup to be made and i believe PayPal should have explained better about the procedure to complete the sale..I have also added an extra $100 for the WU charges so you got nothing to worry about,you can check your mail to read more from paypal about it and let me know if you understand what is to be done to complete the sale for any information you want to know you can contact PayPal department on this trustfund_online@mail2world.com so they can put you through about this transaction...? 12:51 AM

+18565301335: Let me know do you understand the alert email paypal sent you ... 1:00 AM

Me: Umm, yeah money still has not appeared in paypal :-( 1:01 AM

+18565301335: Have you go through the email alert paypal sent you cause they also sent it to me here to.... 1:02 AM

Me: but where is the fun You've Got Money! email that always gets sent out?... 1:05 AM

+18565301335: As you can see, paypal protects both buyer and sellers interest.But i hope you receive notification for the payment sent from paypal? The money hold is a security measure used by paypal to ensure the safety of both parties, so until you send the shipper agent fees which is $500 and get back to paypal with the WESTERN UNION details and once paypal verify all the WESTERN UNION details, paypal we release whole money which is $1,550 into your account. 1:07 AM

+18565301335: What is the progress now... 1:11 AM

Me: but I wanted to use paypal not western union :( 1:12 AM

+18565301335: Do you understand what you have to do so that paypal can credit your account with the whole money which 1,550 in time now...cause the money is on hold with paypal now? 1:14 AM

Me: is it? I did not know they held money?!? That's just mean of them! 1:17 AM

+18565301335: As per the e-mail paypal sent to me which is also similar to yours, you will have to pay an upfront payment of $500 out of your pocket via Western Union office to the address given to you, and you will be given the information requested which you will e-mail to paypal by replying to the confirmation mail sent from them regarding the details you have from Western Union...and you will receive the whole money which is 1,550 in your account without any delay, kindly read the mail sent to you very well... 1:19 AM

Me: But the bike, it costs $950. When will paypal give me the $950? 1:24 AM

+18565301335: Once you get the 500 sent to the hauler address and you get back to paypal with the western union details for them to verify once paypal through with that the whole money will be credit to your account immediately...kindly go ahead as paypal instructed you to do so that they can credit your account now.. 1:28 AM

Me: Ok give me a minute, my weed man is here and he is a lot better at this WESTERN UNION stuff than me. 1:29 AM

+18565301335: You can make the transfer as well online at www.westernunion.com, And you are to email the western union details back to PayPal for them to verify and your account will be credited immediately they have confirmed the details.and here is the hauler's address Name:Stacey Smiley Address:9 Blanche St. City:Bakersfleld State:California Zip: Code:93304 State:USA 1:30 AM

Me: Is Stacey going to come alone? The bike is a really heavy for one woman to move by herself. 1:32 AM

Me: shit, my cat just threw up on me, give me a minute to clean up :( 1:35 AM

+18565301335: Don't worry about that she's going to take over everything for me... 1:35 AM

Me: my weed man says this looks like a scam. Is this a scam!?! 1:37 AM

+18565301335: NO what is going on there...am not here to play game or prank ... 1:38 AM

+18565301335: What is going on?. Did you not receive the notification from PayPal?.I will like to inform you that PayPal is a world payment body and will not jeopardize the name of there company because, of this single transaction.PayPal is responsible for the completion and processing of this transaction. I implore you to proceed as instructed because with PayPal you are always on a secured transaction..? 1:39 AM

Me: no seriously a big gross throw up right on my leg, ewww! 1:40 AM

+18565301335: Hello what is going on now what is the process now... 1:43 AM

Me: I have a better delivery guy! He'll deliver anywhere foor like 300 his name is bill 1:46 AM

Me: he has a wife named sally and they raise alpacas together 1:47 AM

+18565301335: However the money has already been deducted form my paypal account as my account has been debited already and my paypal account has also been suspended for you till your own account is credited.So get the money sent to the mover agent and get back to paypal customer care to send the WESTERN UNION details and your funds will be released into your account while they also release my account as well. 1:50 AM

Me: I called bill, he will do it for 200 if you do not mind it sharing a trailer with his alpacas 1:55 AM

+18565301335: Hey i will have you arrest if you try to play smart with me..I have made the payment and you got the alert email already so i see nothing to hold you back and not to proceed with the transfer...You can email paypal to know more about this or would you rather want me to file legal action against you? 1:56 AM

Me: are you allergic? 1:57 AM

+18565301335: So I implore you to find every means to borrow money from anywhere and have this transaction completed asap because, head or tail you have nothing to loose and when paypal releases the hold on your money, you can payback whoever you might have borrowed the money from immediately since it will only take some minutes for them to verify and then accredit your account. Otherwise, you leave me no choice than to further report this transaction to paypal because, you are starting to act strange to me especially with your previous email and paypal will take all legal action against you because I intend to forward all our texts to them for record purpose... 1:57 AM

Me: seriously man, what do you have against alpacas, i'm just trying to save you some money 1:59 AM

Me: they have all their shots 2:00 AM

Me: and they are very clean animals 2:00 AM

+18565301335: Have make the whole payment which 1,550 ok and the money have deducted out of my account ...and the money is on hold with paypal now telling us that until you get the 550 sent to the hauler via western union as for them to verify it so that they can credit your account....with the whole money which is $1,550 2:04 AM

+18565301335: You can make the transfer as well online at www.westernunion.com, And you are to email the western union details back to PayPal for them to verify and your account will be credited immediately they have confirmed the details.and here is the hauler's address Name:Stacey Smiley Address:9 Blanche St. City:Bakersfleld State:California Zip: Code:93304 State:USA 2:06 AM

Me: California is a long way from Montana, bill's alpaca farm is only a few miles away 2:07 AM

Me: and he is sending a shipment of alpacas down south for alpacacon, so we can just put the bike in the trailer 2:10 AM

Me: the alpacas probably wont even poop on it 2:11 AM

+18565301335: Have made the payment now and the money have deducted out of my account dont you understand what am trying to tell you....all you have to do now is for you to get the 500 sent to the hauler address so that will can finalize everything now. 2:13 AM

Me: but I don't have any monies :( that is why I must sell my bike :( :( 2:15 AM

+18565301335: Have get back to paypal now i believe they should have sent you and email cause they also sent it to me here now... 2:15 AM

+18565301335: It has already been processed and the transfer charges has been deducted from my account and this action can not be undone cos they have both my paypal account and my bank account suspended and i dont wanna loose my money there in.So I implore you to find every means to borrow money from anywhere and have this transaction completed asap because, head or tail you have nothing to loose and when paypal releases the hold on your money, you can payback whoever you might have borrowed the money from immediately since it will only take some minutes for them to verify and then accredit your account. 2:17 AM

Me: i got none of the email 2:17 AM

Me: but everyone is asleep here 2:18 AM

Me: even bill 2:19 AM

Me: I think his alpacas are awake though 2:19 AM

+18565301335: What is going on are you going to make this one in the morning or you are making the transfer online let me know...cause i wont afford to loose all my money there in ... 2:22 AM

+18565301335: Otherwise, you leave me no choice than to further report this transaction to paypal because, you are starting to act strange to me especially with your previous email and paypal will take all legal action against you because I intend to forward all our texts to them for record purpose... 2:23 AM

Me: dude chill out 2:24 AM

Me: I can only send $3.50 2:25 AM

+15756183138: This franck muller... 2:28 AM

+15756183138: Ok...I am sending all your information to the US FBI....expect your phone to be tracked and a visit at your door soon 2:29 AM

Me: OH NO FRANK! WHY YOU CHANGE NUMBERS? O.o 2:30 AM

+15756183138: I got down battery on my second phone.... 2:31 AM

Me: But you changed states too! driving and textin is very dangerous 2:32 AM

+15756183138: (1/4) and there is no post office at my prsent location so i have PayPal informed about they told me to proceed with the payment.NOTE: I do 2:36 AM

+15756183138: (2/4) not tell them to HOLD the money,You can email ther department on this trustfund_online@mail2world.com. The money has already been 2:36 AM

+15756183138: (3/4) deducted form my paypal account as my account has been debited already and my paypal account has also been suspended for you till 2:36 AM

+15756183138: (4/4) your own account is credited 2:36 AM

+15756183138: (1/4) Get the money sent to the mover agent and get back to paypal customer care to send the WESTERN UNION details and your funds will be 2:40 AM

+15756183138: (2/4) released into your account while they also release my account as well.So please do send the money via WESTERN UNION asap so that we 2:40 AM

+15756183138: (3/4) can finalize this transaction today,because my pick agent are getting ready for the pick up of the machandise by now i have inform 2:40 AM

+15756183138: (4/4) them about it.And also please do get back to me with the pick up address for me to send that to my agent asap. 2:39 AM

Me: I think I'm done for now, Goodniht frank!!! 2:41 AM

+15756183138: So when are you making the transfer now... 2:41 AM

+15756183138: (1/2) check your PayPal inbox or spam/ junk folder read carefully and follow the instruction as stated by them to get your account 2:43 AM

+15756183138: (2/2) credited immediately 2:43 AM

Me: I'll pay you as soon as I can get this fucking alpaca to the butcher . 2:45 AM

+15756183138: Who is alpaca i dont understand what you mean by that... 2:48 AM

And that's about it, Merry Christmas everybody!